One 15 minute walk in subzero temperatures from my apartment and I'm at the hospital again. Kathy hands me bag full of neatly labelled vials and sends me down to Suite A for a blood draw. Lot of test tubes in that bag, bad news.
Haven't gone faint in a while but it's happened a couple times. You become aware of the symptoms coming on a little at a time. Vision becomes clouded, Body temperature goes through the roof and then you want to pass out. At the end of it you get a quick cookie and juice break with the nurse.
Not sure on the trigger to all this but I suspect a longstanding distrust of the circulatory system. Lucky for me, I only have direct experience every three months and I have formed a very successful strategy. Don't look at the actions and concentrate hard on the end theme to pokemon, AKA The Pokerap
"Ok, you're going to feel a little poke"
Articuno, Jynx, Nidorino, Beedrill, Haunter, Chansey, POKEMON!
Is it hot in here? Why am I always wearing a sweater when I do this? ugh.
Dratini, Growlithe, Mr. Mime, Cubone, Graveler, Voltorb, Gloom - We're almost home!
Is that the last vial? I think that's the last vial. erf, Pokemon!
Charmeleon, Wartortle, Mewtwo, Tentacruel, Aerodactyl,Omanyte, Slowpoke, Pidgeot, Arbok - That's all, folks!
"Alright, thats all. You're bringing these back to the lab right?" She's covering up the dermatology vial labels with her own labels. "They just rip these off don't though?"
"I'm not sure about that" I'm almost positive they do.
I walk down the hospital hallways holding half a dozen test-tubes of my own blood. I ring the bell and Kathy hands me the mental wellness survey and takes my blood. As I fill out the guy next to me is making comments.
"'Have I recently tried to commit suicide?' Ha! I think I'll be fine, I just want them to get rid of these spots!
Kathy comes back out and hands me small cup and doesn't say anything, I know the drill. After a trip to the bathroom I ring the bell again to let Kathy know I'm back. The guy is still making comments.
"'Have you recently tried to gather the means to commit suicide?' It's not that big of a deal, it's just some spots!"
I fake a laugh and nod, standing by the door holding a jar of my own urine.
Kathy comes back out and leads me down to the exam room. She leaves and the doctor comes in a few minutes. He comes in exuding enthusiasm and usually refers to me as "bro" or "my man." He asks if I've ever been diagnosed Rheumatoid Arthritis in the last 3 months.
"Uhhh, nope"
"Awesome, my man!" He goes for the fist bump and I'm happy to oblige.
After a couple more routine tests he leaves and I go pick up my medicine from Kathy and schedule my next appointment in another 3 months time.
After all that I'm thirty bucks richer. 8pm the next day I stick a needle in my abdomen and get to live my life without being eternally itchy.
