I know you've been waiting for it. The Hamcruise vs. Alaskacruise side by side comparison! Which cruise was truly better? Let's find out!
The Travel:
Ham:
1. car ride was short and the company was good.
2. Airport was fairly painless.
3. Stopover was annoying but there was no need to exit the plane.
Alaska:
1. Car ride was long and I played pokemon for 90% of it
2. Bags lost during checking process. My mother freaks out.
3. Flight changed to have a layover, effectively doubling airport time.
EDGE HAM
The Food
Ham:
1. Great waiter who brings extra food
2. Much deliciousness
3. Formal Night gets out of hand with wine ejaculation
Alaska:
1. Polite waiter appeases grandparents
2. Even tastier treats, I try something different each night
3. Formal Night stays firmly in hand
EDGE ALASKA
The Entertainment
Ham:
1. Comedian makes abundance of "take my wife" jokes. Audience is highly amused, Hammers not as pleased
2. Magician plays ball and cup games and card tricks. Amazes few
3. Lounge musicians play "My Way" twice a night. Old people have a ball
Alaska:
1. Comedian had appeared on Conan but is still quite unentertaining
2. Magician cuts women in half. Fails another trick halfway through.
3. I avoid watching the disco show and play pokemon instead.
EDGE HAM
The Sights:
Ham:
1. Beach is relaxing, fun and free, Locals yell at Sara.
2. Old British fort reveals interesting history.
3. Trip to private island canceled
Alaska
1. Jeuno Glacier and waterfall is breathtaking.
2. Wildlife everywhere. Deer, salmon, eagles and moose all spoted.
3. World's longest zipline is fucking awesome
EDGE ALASKA
The Booze
Ham:
1. Drunkenness occurs just about every night, inebriation enables dancing and assorted good times at circuit.
2. CC and coke is the drink of choice for Steven and Ian with Long islands in 2nd place.
3. Ian mistaken for 14 year old consistently
Alaska
1. Soberness occurs just about every night, it enables falling asleep at 11
2. CC and coke is the drink of choice for Steven and Brian with ice tea in 2nd place.
3. Grandparents determined to be old enough for their cranberry juice consistently.
EDGE HAM
The Room
Ham
1. Me and Drew, enough said. Also, window.
Alaska
1. Brian and I tell each other to shut up in our windowless box
EDGE HAM
Overall they're hard to compare because the main attraction was fairly different. I'd say Alaska had better times off the boat and Hamcruise had better times on it. They were both great trips though.
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Makes you think. But I argue that Ham deserves another point for dinner, as any ejaculation is probably a good ejaculation, plus a bonus point for the video category. As for "sights", Drew could also be considered a wild animal who also happens to be able to talk, surf the net, etc. Further, glaciers are kind of like icebergs, which sunk the Titanic.
ReplyDeleteAll I see is Ham winning by a large margin. Ziplines are a pie of shit next to the worlds longest shuffleboard session.
ReplyDeleteWho said the wine ejaculation was a bad thing? Bonus Drew points were already included for the room, he can only do so much.
ReplyDeleteMe and Brian played shuffle board a few times and I whupped him each time. I totally have hamcruise to thank for that.
You're off on the entertainment one. Two changes should be made:
ReplyDelete1. Comedian makes abundance of "take my wife" jokes. Audience is highly amused, Hammers not as pleased (except for Drew)
and
3. Lounge musicians play "My Way" twice a night. Old people have a ball, so does Drew.