Religion Pt. 2

I always knew Em was religious. There were cross necklaces, bible passage fridge magnets and weekly youth groups that alerted me to this early in our relationship. I chose to ignore it and we didn't talk about it. After all, I'm not opposed to my partner having faith; it's just not for me.

So we moved forward and things got serious. There was love, and there was college. We chose to pursue a long distance relationship despite the warnings against. All went well for a while, until i fucked up. It wasn't one thing, just a series of dumb mistakes on my part. I was too swept up in college and I forgot how to be a boyfriend. She met someone else and we broke-up.

I remember 2008 as the worst year of my life, mostly the first semester of college. Our breakup happened over Xmas and continued until summer 2009. I skipped class just about every day, I played picross, I watched Raocow and I failed Calc 3. Then summer 2008 came and something happened, I got over her. I saw my friends about everyday that summer. We recorded music, we played magic, we made videos and we hung out.

I saw her again and the feelings rushed back. She was going to break-up with the other guy, I knew this was my chance to get my girl back. She had never really lost feelings for me either. Summer 2009 we got back together and things have been great since.

I'm not sure what sparked it but in July Emaley suddenly wanted to start going to church again. Perhaps it was the debate with my dad, or maybe it was to show me the light, or just more likely I think she felt she was losing her connection to god. She invited me to come with but I turned her down. She pressed me for more information, she knew I wasn't particularly religious but she said she thought I had a belief in god. Maybe I misled her to that conclusion or maybe she was lying to herself, I'm not sure. Either way we reached a turning point.

She decided she couldn't have children with me because I would be unable to truly raise them Christian. I agreed, even if I went to church just to go or sent them to Christian schools, I couldn't lie about my beliefs if they asked and I wouldn't want to do either of those things anyways. Now I don't know if I want kids yet, but to say there's no chance is disheartening.

I asked her if she could live with a nonchristian me and she replied through tears "I don't know." Is that good enough? Can a relationship be built with an "I don't know" lurking in the back? I don't know either.
I told her a couple days ago that I think we should spend some time apart and she agreed.

She's headed out for vacation this week, and I'm still in SJ. I think the week will give us both some time to reflect and think. I'm going to spend it with my friends as I did in 2008 and maybe even push to record a new drewcifers album or something (and how long has it been since the last bowling Monday?) The end of the week marks Jay's wedding camping trip too. I guess I'll see if Ridin' Solo is anything like how Jason Derulo says it is.